Today, more than 60% of marriages fail. That stat is scary high. Imagine picturing your five best friends, and then trying to decide which three are going to split up with their partners. It can’t just be that finding true love is so difficult, so what’s actually going on? A recent study highlighted the primary factors which affects your happiness in a relationship is due to a set of unrealistic expectations of your partner. Hollywood doesn’t help at all, as we watch countless movies and shown time and time again all of the cheesy romantic scenes of prince charming sweeping Cinderella off her feet. Unfortunately, this doesn’t align well to real life.
The Dalai Lama is the one who has said it best, your happiness mainly comes down to your own attitude, not from any external factors. You can’t rely on your partner to make you happy, and it’s unrealistic to expect this of them. The trouble is – many people actually do. You can get a feel of what it takes to make yourself happy in this short course, so that you can go from demanding love and happiness from your partner to providing it.
When you’re single, your focus needs to be on being happy, being truly happy. If you can get this sorted when you’re part of a relationship you will share your love, rather than demanding love and happiness from your partner. For a successful relationship this makes a world of difference. As you make the change from needing love, affection and support from your partner to sharing the love you have – that’s when a relationship becomes truly amazing.
To clarify here, the goal isn’t to expect nothing from your partner; you will always need them for support and to rely on – but the key is to be happy with yourself, so you’re not asking for their support to ease your own unhappiness with yourself. If you’re not happy spending time alone, and being who you are – it’s clear you don’t really love yourself. If you’re in this position, how can you ever expect to be able to sincerely love someone else, or be loved by them? True love is when two people build a relationship together to grow and build a connection on a higher level. If you can really connect to your partner and give your love unconditionally, you will be very happy in your relationship. If you’re not doing this right, that’s why your relationships are failing.
Luckily you can learn what it takes to have successful relationships – right from the start.
Love Yourself First
Most of us don’t realize the way we interact with other people, as well as our feelings towards other people are largely determined by the way we feel about ourselves. Learning to be happy with yourself is the first step to being a perfect partner. If you feel you need to work on this try the seven day challenge to learn how to love yourself.
Loving yourself doesn’t always come naturally to people. You need to practice and reinforce the beliefs, especially if you have struggled with accepting yourself in the past. Everyone has flaws, and that’s okay, because we all make mistakes. What you need to be able to do is learn from them, accept them, and be proud of the challenges that have made you who you are today. You can really instill the feelings with a simple exercise. Simply stand in front of a mirror and look yourself in the eyes. Repeat the words “I love you, you’re an amazing human being” and really feel them as you say it. These positive affirmations will have a major impact on how you feel about yourself, which will ultimately make you a better partner.
Real happiness can only come from within. There’s no physical things or even people that will make you truly happy. The happiest people are the ones that choose to be happy, and the best part is that it rubs off on all the people around you. Your feelings can change the mood of your partner, and it can even attract people to you when you’re single! Choosing to be happy lets you feel good on the inside while looking good on the outside. If you want to learn more about why you’re feeling unhappy, you can check out one of our latest posts here.
Always practice gratitude for what you have. It could be as simple as enjoying the sun on your face as you go for a morning jog, or the stranger who lets you cut in line when you’re running late. Always say thank you, and return every smile with a similar one on your face. You need to think optimistically about everything, and this will open your eyes to all of the opportunities around you. There’s no greater truth in this than the saying, “Change the way you look at things and the things you look at will change.”
Be aware of the impact other people have on you and don’t let others determine how you feel. Try to simply ignore what they’re saying, thinking or doing – even if it is about you. You should always stick up for yourself, but don’t get caught up in it and let it affect your own feelings. The moment you let your emotions take charge, you’ve lost your inner peace. You should also practice acceptance. Many things in your life will be out of your control, and sometimes bad things just happen. You can’t escape it, but you also shouldn’t let it worry you. Learning to accept the things you cannot change is key to being happy in life.
But what you can do is take charge and do the things you really enjoy. It could be diving into your favorite author or hiking to the peak of a mountain. Find something that you love and do it regularly. You should also practice a daily meditation, even just 15 minutes can do wonders to calm your thoughts and get you in a positive and optimistic frame to start your day.
Be Ready to Fall in Love
You need to ensure you’re not getting into a relationship for the wrong reasons. Before you even think about a relationship you must be comfortable being alone, and happy in your single life. Being alone as a single is very different to being lonely, because if you really love yourself you’ll find that you enjoy your “you” time. Learn more about maximizing your happiness as a single in this course. If you rush into a relationship and it turns out bad it can make you feel like the loneliest person in the world.
Don’t Get Lost in Your Relationship
You need to set up space in your relationship, so that you have time for yourself, as you go about achieving your own goals, and pursuing the activities you enjoy – as well as spending time with your partner. Getting a healthy balance between your personal time and your relationship time can be difficult in the beginning, especially as you’re caught up in the excitement of a new relationship.
It may seem strange that you need to put yourself first, but it really is the best way. If you start a relationship with the expectation your partner is going to make you happy – that’s an unfair expectation – and your partner might even want the same from you. Are you ready to take on the responsibility for your partner’s happiness?
The best path is to enjoy a relationship where you are both committed to becoming the best people you can be, and sharing the love and compassion you both have for each other. You can learn the secrets to a true love romance in this course, but it’s success is really up to you. A relationship without needs, expectations and obligations has the foundation to grow – so you can both feel the truly amazing love you have for each other.