Relationship Breakdown: The Dos and Don’ts if Your Relationship Is On Its Way Out

relationship breakdownRelationship troubles can bring the strongest to their knees.  When we’re in love, it can be the best feeling in the world.  When we’re breaking up or can see our relationship breaking down, it can be the absolute worst feeling in the world. However, if you feel like you can give your relationship a fighting chance, some relationship advice on how to stop fighting with your partner is presented below.  Working through relationship problems are difficult and takes lots of compromise, patience, and communication,  but love is sometimes very much worth fighting for. Here are some of our best tips for both resolving relationship conflicts and ending it gracefully.

No Serious Relationship Discussions over Text

This piece of advice is a new one because of social media.  Many of us carry on our normal conversations without every hearing the other person’s voice or feeling their in-person energy or viewing their very-telling body language. We do a lot of things over text and social media.  We send pictures, we let our partner know what we’re doing for dinner, what movie we want to watch but it’s when we decide to have heartfelt and sometimes not-so-nice conversations that we can get into unnecessary trouble.  Taking something out of context when you are already feeling vulnerable is easily made via text or social media.

So if your relationship is on the rocks to begin with, a text has the potential to create more waves than is necessary.  Don’t do it.

Your Partner Should Be the One You Talk to Most about Your Relationship, Not Your BFF.

I’m guilty of this one, for sure. I love to talk to my girlfriends about my relationship/love woes. No one understands my relationship troubles like one of my closest girlfriends. But the obvious critique of this is no one, not even my girlfriends, is in your relationship except for you and your partner.

What you may see and describe to your BFF is only one side of the story.  Sometimes we need an outside perspective to help with our own viewpoint and attitude towards an issue.  But when we’re trying to deal with a relationship that is breaking down or needs to end, the one person we need to do most of the talking with is our partner. We need to hear from them directly what it’s like for them and what issues they have in order to determine whether it’s something we can address and resolve.  That way, we know what we’re dealing with and can at least have a fighting chance of resolving it.

Udemy offers a wonderful course, Solve Relationship Problems in 12 Easy Steps, to assist you with the most common problems with your loved one.

Make a Decision and Stick with It

Too many times I hear of people breaking up and getting back together multiple times (myself included).  This behavior is detrimental to not only the relationship as a whole but to each partner. In and out behavior creates a serious case of instability and security.  So not only do you have your original relationship problems that drove one partner to issue the breakup, add on to those feelings of instability, insecurity and quite possibly abandonment and you’re inviting a dangerous cocktail of emotions.  Relationships can’t possibly withstand all that or end gracefully if you keep jumping on the train only to get off at the next stop again and again.

Avoid impulse breakup decisions at all costs. We should leave that behind in our teenage years.  When things seem to be breaking down with your partner, address them with her, try to come up with new ways of approaching things and if all else fails, give yourself space to think about ending it for good. Just like any big decision in your life, think things through, weigh the positives against the negatives and see where you come out.

End Your Relationship before Allowing Someone Else in, Even if it’s Just Sex

We all know how easy it is to use another person’s affection to temporarily numb the pain of a breakup.  But even if your relationship is on its way out, steer clear of using another person to make you feel better. Finishing what you start before starting something else is the only sure way to have a clear mind with no distractions.  Also, if you get caught, you will only add misery and unnecessary drama to ending your current relationship.

And if you’re dangerously close to reaching out to someone you probably shouldn’t, try this course on relationships and sex life instead!

Learn from Your Relationship Troubles

The best way to make the most of this heartbreak is to grow and learn from it.  That can be done if you are able to experience the pain fully and become aware of your thoughts and feelings.  You will become more in touch with yourself, which will make you stronger in the end.  It sounds awful and initially counter-intuitive, but trust me, you’ll find yourself and happiness much more quickly if you try to simply experience the pain.

Self-Care

While it might be difficult to even think about food, it is important that you maintain your caloric intake.  Calories from food provide us the energy we need to go about our day.  You might already be exhausted spiritually, mentally and physically from the break-up, so your body needs fuel to keep it from breaking down.  Focus on eating what you typically like, so that at least you can make an effort to get something in you.

Also, sleeping is understandably difficult, so talk to your doctor or therapist about good sleep hygiene.  Using sleeping aids temporarily might help keep your health in check (just make sure to talk to your doctor before taking any prescription medications).

Trust in the power of a walk in nature.  Oxygen is another great way to fuel your mind and body, and a walk will increase the amount of oxygen and positivity you take in.  Try scheduling at least a 15-30 minute walk every morning.

This Too, Shall Pass

Although it feels like the end of the world, it will become easier.  Trust in that, and know that you will only feel this way for a short time.  It may be months, or even a year, but it won’t be the rest of your life.

Although the future might look dreary and empty without your beloved, notice when your thought patterns are negative.  Make an effort to introduce more positive thoughts such as “I can do this,” or “it’s going to be ok.” You could even try some imagery of yourself feeling happier – imagine the look on your face, the feeling in certain parts of your body, and try to indulge in the relief from the pressure of your heartbreak.

Getting Help is OK

Although nothing sounds better than staying home and curling up under the covers, make sure to surround yourself with positive people.  When you feel that itch to call, text, or see your ex, have several friends or family members on hand that are willing to be there in your time of need and vulnerability.  If you have to do “work from home,” or have some down time to read the newspaper or a book, do it around others at a local coffee shop, for example.

It may be hard to say you are having a tough time and open up to someone, especially after a heartbreak when you are already so vulnerable.  Give yourself the “okay” to be vulnerable right now.  It is not weak.  It is actually a sign of strength to know that you need support and that you are able to listen to what your mind and body needs. Learning to love and give yourself to someone in the future after a rough heartbreak is the best gift you can give yourself to heal.