One Sided Relationships: What to Do When It’s Not Fair

Couple CrisisWhenever anyone is in a relationship – all you want is to feel love and respect flowing both ways between the two of you. When you study how to be in a great relationship through a course like this you learn that you need to be happy and caring to work.  But sometimes, you find your partner can’t (or won’t) love you back and you simply can’t understand it.

When you have a case of a one sided relationship, the reason why your partner is acting like this is irrelevant. What matters most is how you handle it. The trouble comes because most people just don’t handle it well. Perhaps they’re confident and successful in every other aspect of their life and can’t accept when they don’t get the love reciprocated. Follow this path and before you know it you’re chasing after a partner who simply doesn’t want to be caught. This can lead to fights and arguments, which you can learn how to manage in this course or just driving them further and further away from you.

One sided relationships are unbearable. Especially when one person is fully committed, the heartbreak and anxiety can be too much to handle. But as a person, you have to put a value on your own dignity and self respect. If you find you really can’t make this decision, you may be suffering from the effects of low self esteem. Have a look at this post on recognizing the symptoms in case this applies to you. Ultimately you only have so much to give until you’re totally lost in the idea of just being with your partner. Despite how terrible it feels at the time, losing yourself is much more painful than the choice to simply walk away from your partner.

But how do so many people get it so wrong? Usually we believe that if we offer all that we have, all of our love – it will be enough to convince someone to love you back. The trouble comes when one partner doesn’t see the relationship as being all that serious. It could be a “why not” scenario, where you have lots of fun together, but it’s a good time – not for a long time. For the partner doing the chasing this can mean you suddenly find yourself out in the cold when your other half meets someone else. Though it may seem unfair, it’s also on your shoulders to look out for the warning signs. If you think there’s a chance you’re in a one sided relationship see if any of the following indicators apply to you:

  • They’re not comfortable calling you a boyfriend or girlfriend.

It may be driving you crazy, but your partner doesn’t want to label what the two of you share. If you push the topic you get replies like “we have something really special, let’s not ruin it” or the go-to response of “it’s complicated”.

  • It’s really difficult to get them to spend time with you.

It’s basic human nature that people spend time with the people they truly care about. If all the two of you share is a casual relationship you’ll find that you’re often not prioritized over something they see as more important, more fun, or more exciting.

  • You rarely spend time alone together.

When you finally do get a chance to be together you notice that it’s often never alone, unless you’re, well – you know when! If you turn up and the friends are always over, you sit on separate couches and hardly ever connect, take it as a sign that they’re just not serious about you.

  • You haven’t the faintest idea about their friends or family.

If you’ve been dating for a while and haven’t yet met their closest friends or family, there’s a good chance they’re just not that into you. Someone who’s proud of their partner will show them off at every opportunity, if it’s not serious you’ll find you’re not really taken that seriously.

  • You don’t date.

If you’ve never been out on a date together this is a major red flag. Ending up at each other’s place is not a date, nor is a group of ten friends heading out to dinner while you tag along. If you can’t remember a single time that you’ve been asked on a date, then your partner isn’t really feeling it.

  • They’re seeing other people.

This one is pretty self-explanatory. You can’t expect to build a serious relationship if you’re not the only one they are dating.

  • You rarely stay over at each other’s place.

Of course you hang out, but if your partner is always leaving without staying over, or heading home very early the next morning it indicates again that they’re not that comfortable being around you for a long period of time.

  • You’ve had the “let’s be friends with benefits talk.”

This is basically just a delay tactic to keep enjoying your company until they can find someone better.

  • You’ve complained about any of these problems to your friends.

If you’ve even only once complained about one of the above to your friends and it’s still not resolved, you are definitely chasing a partner who doesn’t want to be caught. Whatever the reason they have, they’re just not that into you.

Once you learn to recognize the signs, the tough part is to act on them. Many of us are happier to stay in denial, perhaps listening to the bad advice from your friends or constantly telling yourself it’s just a matter of time “they’ll be ready to settle down soon.” Even if your partner really isn’t ready to settle down now, what makes you think that they’re going to choose to settle down with you?

The plain and simple truth is that when someone is ready to settle down, it will be with the partner they choose. If you’re stuck playing the waiting game you may discover that you’ve simply been wasting your time, because you won’t grow on your partner – it only wears you out. If all of this is sounding familiar because you’ve been through it before, chances are you have some relationship baggage yourself from your past loves. Check out how you can manage this here so you can set yourself up for your next great romance.

Recognize the signs of a one-sided relationship and it’s up to you to take action. Ultimately it’s your choice to make, whether you decide to cut your losses and find a new partner, or accept the relationship for what it is – just a fling for the both of you to enjoy. If you choose to accept it you also need to acknowledge you won’t be able to change your partners mind. Continually trying to do so is a form of love addiction, which you can learn all about in this course. Your partner is probably never going to change the way they see you as just a casual fling, so you need to be strong and stop hoping and waiting for things to change.

Take all this advice on board and make the choice for yourself. If you’re part of a one sided relationship it’s up to you to sort it out. We can only give you the tools to help you make your decision.