Most of the time people seek out advice to fix their failing marriage. When they seek out advice, they usually go to their friends, their family, or a trusted professional. A lot of times though, this simply doesn’t work. Saving a marriage takes more than just a few good words of advice, but it’s not impossible to do. A lot of people think that once their marriage reaches that rocky stage, there is just no way for it to be resolved, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. A marriage isn’t just two people getting together and being happily ever after. It requires work and understanding each other on a deeper level.
In order for a marriage to be successful, there are things that both people in the relationship must do to keep things afloat. It’s never too late to save a marriage, as long as you’re willing to try. Sometimes people get married, but they don’t know how to communicate with their partner or have a truly healthy relationship. The Udemy course Relationship University actually teaches you about everything you should do to make your relationship a successful one.
Communication is important for any relationship to work. As mentioned before, a lot of times spouses go to their friends, family members, and everyone else except for their partner. This is a bad thing to do because you aren’t going to the source of the problem.
When the relationship starts to reach a point where you feel uncomfortable or you feel that your spouse is not being open with you, then you need to start communicating with your partner. Tell them how you feel and not just how they are acting. It’s important to communicate, but there is a right and wrong way to do so.
Use the “I-Statement”
When you’re talking with your spouse, you may start to talk to them in a manner where you start pointing the finger or blaming them for problems in the relationship. Be wary if you find yourself saying things like, “You never take me out anymore,” or “You don’t talk to me about your day anymore.” This places the blame on the spouse instead of expressing how you feel about the situation.
Instead of telling your spouse what they are doing wrong, it is better to express how what they’re doing makes you feel. Take the “you never take me out anymore” statement, and instead say, “We don’t go out anymore and it makes me feel as if you don’t want to be around me or do anything with me,” or take the other statement, “You don’t talk to me about your day anymore,” and instead say something along the lines of, “We don’t talk as much when you come home, I’m worried that there is something wrong you aren’t telling me about or that you’re bored with me.
The way you phrase your words is important. If you point out what your spouse is doing wrong, they can take an offensive stance and you two could end up arguing instead of actually talking and getting to the bottom of the situation.
A lot of people find it difficult to break the cycle of arguing when they really just want to talk about their problems. The Udemy course Relationship Advice: How to STOP Fighting with Your Partner, delves into what you can do to talk to your partner and not end up in a fight with them. There are things you can do to diffuse a situation before it gets volatile and you two begin to yell at one another.
Not only would it be good for communicating, but when you are your partner don’t fight it makes the relationship a lot healthier as well.
Don’t Try to be the Victim
As mentioned before, it can be easy to place blame in a relationship. Many times it is just easier or more comfortable to play the victim. In some situations, such as those where your spouse has lied or cheated, it can be justified since you really are a victim in that situation. However, if you want to save your marriage, then you have to suppress that urge to play the victim. Don’t start talking about how bad things are for you.
In a relationship, it’s important that you try to put some of the emphasis on your partner as well. In fact, it’s wise to try and put your partner’s happiness above your own. Of course that can seem difficult a lot of times in your marriage, but in the long run it will be worth it. Not only would your spouse appreciate you more if you didn’t play the victim, but instead played a more supportive role, but they would in turn do the same.
Find the Problems and Try to Change Them
No relationship is perfect, and there will be several problems that you and your spouse will encounter throughout your marriage. The best thing you can do for these problems is confront them head on before they become even larger. If you have a problem with your marriage, it is important to find them sooner rather than later.
When spouses choose to suppress their feelings, and they don’t discuss their problems then they are stuck with this feeling of sadness and anger. Sometimes they hold onto these feelings long after they’ve forgotten why they were so angry in the first place.
When you don’t discuss the problems in the relationship, those problems can grow into something much worse. A small problem or annoyance could end up leading to resentment or even divorce. Sometimes it is the smallest things, things people don’t even notice, that end up being the reason why a relationship fails.
Identifying the problem and discussing it is one thing, but there is also the act of actively trying to change it. Changing a problem in the relationship, especially one that has been around for years won’t be fixed overnight. If your spouse makes a mistake during this fixing process, it would be better to forgive them and acknowledge that they are trying.
For example, if you’ve had problems with your spouse taking out the trash and he finally started to do so, but forgot one day, don’t punish him for it. Directly remind him and be patient.
Get Reliable Help
If your relationship is really in trouble, then you may need an outside source to help you. It’s okay if you need help, but you should get it from the right people. For example, just because your best friend may be a great person to talk to, she may not be so helpful when it comes to your marriage.
If you really want to get help, there are two options that you can choose. The first option is a counselor. It may be expensive, but it will be a lot cheaper than a divorce. The main point of a counselor is to have a third person involved to keep the flow of communication going and get things started. A counselor won’t instantly fix your relationship, but they will help put you on the right path.
Your second option isn’t as great, but it can be useful in a time of need. You should surround yourself by people who are in successful relationships. You can learn a lot from people who may have been in the same situations that you’ve been in or had similar hurdles that you and your partner are now trying to overcome.
One of the best ways to maintain a relationship is to give it a strong foundation. The Udemy course Create a Mind-Blowing Relationship is designed to help you start your relationship the right way. Don’t think because you’re already married that this course won’t help. It will teach you some of the fundamentals of building a healthy relationship that lasts.
Don’t Give Up
You can find emotional abandonment signs in your marriage all over if you look in the right place. When your relationship reaches this level, things are at their worst. When a relationship is plagued with emotional abandonment, it means that there is nothing holding the two people together. There’s no emotion in the relationship to hold onto.
If your marriage is at this stage, then you should try to take things back to the way they were before. In this situation it can be wise to start over. Take each other out on dates and try to get to know each other again as if you two were meeting for the first time.
Discuss each other’s feelings and what it is they are seeking in the relationship. It can be a great way to get couples to not only communicate with each other, but start things fresh without some of the emotional baggage that comes with a long-lasting relationship.
When a marriage becomes difficult, it can seem like the best thing to do is to get a divorce, but when both people in the marriage truly love each other, there can always be a way to work through the problem. It just takes a lot of hard work and effort.
Accept that Marriage Isn’t Easy
No matter how deeply in love you may be with your partner or how amazing your relationship was when you two first got married, a marriage is never going to be easy. There will always be rough patches, rocky moments, and even moments where you question why you married your spouse in the first place. It’s perfectly natural to feel some sort of strain or experience difficult with your partner while you’re together.
You should realize though that you’re not the only one feeling this way and that your partner feels the same stress and strain from the marriage as well. Try putting your spouse’s happiness over your own and don’t take their presence for granted. There was a reason why you wanted to be with them, remember that reason and really try to prioritize your relationship and put it above everything else for a while.
Turning a Failing Marriage into a Great One
It’s never too late to change things. You can start by praising your spouse more, and doing a lot of the things mentioned above. Great change doesn’t happen instantly, but instead it takes time so don’t expect your marriage to start becoming great again instantly.
There are various ways you can solve your relationship problems, and you shouldn’t think that your relationship is beyond saving.
In fact, the Udemy course Solve Relationship Problems in 12 Easy Steps breaks down some of the basic things you can do to turn that marriage argument into a calm and peaceful conversation. Check it out if you need help with a marriage, or any other problematic relationship.