For society to function, trust is necessary for everyone within it to be happy. Without trust, fear will rule, but the problem comes when there is not a clear division between black and white. Trust comes in different levels, and the particular life experiences you have can significantly impact your ability to trust other people. If you are having this problem yourself, check out this course and learn how to manage trust issues within a workplace. Unfortunately, people that have had large disappointments or betrayals in the past often have trust issues, and mistrust of others is a very valid response to this. The side effect is that this mistrust can adversely affect your life, resulting in higher than normal levels of self doubt, anxiety and a lack of confidence. The good news, is that even if you’re in this situation you can learn to trust again, and this article is going to teach you how.
The first step is recognizing that you are mistrustful of others. Every day, every one of us makes these decisions, and sometimes we are more trustworthy than we are in other times. Our upbringing also affects how well we can trust others, and if you did not receive enough affection, acceptance or were mistreated or abused as a child will have a difficult time establishing trust as an adult. Likewise, if you’ve experienced social rejection as an adolescent, being bullied, teased and treated like an outcast during your teenage years, you’ll also have self confidence issues which will make you mistrustful. To start building a healthy base, look for these signs in yourself.
- Do you have a lack of real friendships or intimacy with others?
- Is there trust issues that affect your primary relationship with your partner?
- Do you have several dramatic and intense relationships all in a row?
- Are you particularly suspicious of your friends and family?
- Does physical intimacy fill you with terror?
- You think everyone is deceptive without any real evidence to prove it.
Being unable to trust others is problematic, as it can destroy relationships, careers, friendships and marriages, but you can learn to trust again. The first stage involves confronting your past trust issues, and separating these from your fears about the future. It takes time to develop trust within a relationship, and to move from being defensive about your problem, to listening and understanding how to get over them.
Look at Each Situation Logically
If you have trust issues, they soon bubble to the surface in your relationships. This can often happen rapidly, but before you outburst, take a moment and a breath, and reflect on what’s happening. If a situation mirrors a traumatic one in the past, your mind will automatically start to feel pain, and you’re going to get angry. Before you do, ask yourself:
- What is it about this situation that’s reminding me of the past?
- Where is the evidence, the physical proof that this is going to happen again?
Answering both of these questions in your mind will usually calm your brain down, as you bring logic back into your thoughts and decision making process.
People are All Equal
If you have trust issues, you’re going to be on the defensive right from the offset. How many times have you spoken to someone and they’ve announced that they have “been hurt before, and want to take it slow.” How many times have you been the one making this statement? Before it comes out of your mouth, again stop for a moment and take a breath.
You need to put everyone on an equal playing field. This warning is redundant because no one ever goes out looking to get hurt, it’s simple common sense. What you should be focusing on is talking and communicating with the person, and building a connection as you discover the interests and values you share.
Don’t get Tricked by Sugary Words
The sweet talker preys on people with trust issues, as most of us have a deep-seated desire to be told, “it’s all going to be okay.” Unfortunately, its falling for this that has led to you getting hurt and being taken advantage of the first time. Take words for what they are, wonderful to hear, but not as concrete as the actual actions being taken. Try to base all of your opinions of others on the actions they make, rather than what they are telling you. A great example is someone telling you they want to be with you for the rest of your life, but it’s been days since they called – or they simply show up without calling. What they’re saying definitely doesn’t reflect their actions.
Confirm and Get Clarity
You should never make an assumption why someone has said or reacted a certain way, you can never really know what they are thinking at a given time. There’s nothing wrong with asking them to clarify why they’ve said or done certain things, their tone or attitude when they say something doesn’t necessarily mean disrespect or rejection. Only when you ask will you find out what’s up, and if you really are about that person you’ll ask these questions to find out how they are feeling. It’s not always needed to turn your defenses on at every single thing, first learn to respect your friends, and trust will form.
Trust in Yourself
Look back at situations where you’ve acted wrong, or misjudged a person. Many of the times will be due to you letting your pre-conceived notions take charge, as a direct result of you not trusting in yourself. It takes courage to throw yourself fully into every relationship, career opportunity and situation, but if you can master this you’ll be successful. If you’re interested to learn more about this topic, this course will help guide you as you learn to really trust yourself. Going in with your 100% and fearlessly knowing everything will be okay will have a massive impact on how well you do in all aspects of your life.
Trust in Your Partner
When you enter a relationship with another person, you effectively create a new identity, as you both “merge lives” and make compromises so you both fit into each other’s lives. If you do have insecurities or trust issues, the best thing you can do is to talk to your partner about it. Don’t feel ashamed, and it’s certainly ok for them to see your weak side. The foundation of every good relationship is a common understanding and trust, which makes it critical for your partner to know exactly how you feel. Let you partner know what’s bothering you, no matter how trivial it is. By opening up to your lover, you have conversations and you’ll both feel more listened to, and connected.
Talk about the Small Things
If you’re having trust issues with your partner, talk about all the little things you did in the day. It may sound trivial, but all of the people you interacted with, and everything that happened can make an insecure partner feel that much more secure in the relationship. You both also need to show that you care, and shower your partner with compliments, reminding them how much you do love them and need them. Insecurities fester when these words aren’t said enough. If you struggle in this department, this course focuses on how to build great communication skills which helps you to develop better trust in your relationships.
Bring Them into Your Circles
If you are feeling distant from your partner, bring them into your circles of friends, or try to get more involved with their close friends – especially if there are particular individuals you are worried about. Bonding with the people you feel insecure about will help to remove any residual feelings that are lingering, and will help you to trust your partner even more.
Talk about Your Secrets
One fantastic way you can get close to your partner is by revealing secrets that only the two of you know. If it’s big enough it automatically brings two people closer together, and works between family, friends and your partner. When the two of you know more about each other than anyone else in the world you’ll both automatically feel more secure in the relationship.
When a situation comes up that causes you to worry, try to look at it from your partners perspective. If you were in their place, how would you react, what would you do? Be truthful to yourself as you answer this question, and think rationally before you make a judgment.
Ask for Help
When you’re talking with your partner, be candid about the concerns you have. By putting the truth out there, they’ll know exactly what you’re feeling, and can make their own choices in how to respond. Giving them the silent treatment or retaliating to their actions with anger and frustration is not a basis for a healthy relationship. In this course you can learn all about conflict resolution, so you learn the best ways to discuss and resolve any lingering issues between you and your partner. By talking about the times during the day that caused you to feel insecure, your partner will better understand what they’ve done to upset you, and will be able to explain their actions. You shouldn’t need to go over this again and again, if your partner is continually doing the same things and upsetting you, perhaps they are not to be trusted. You just need to make sure you give them the chance to justify what they’re doing, and a chance to change.
Be Logical and Reasonable
If you’ve gone through all of these steps and you’re still not able to get over your trust issues, take some time to reflect. Ask yourself if you believe your partner is doing everything they can to help you get over your insecurities, and if you don’t believe so, why is this the case? Is it because you’re not able to deal with the situation, or are there too many issues that simply can’t be resolved?
When you’re having trust issues in your relationship, know that it’s not an easy fix. It can take weeks, even months to work through them all, so be patient and work at it together. This recent post covers some great trust building activities that will help you to get there fast. But if you’re still struggling even after this time, no matter how much you’re bending over backwards to reassure them, perhaps you need to enlist professional counseling to help you through it, or make a decision whether you can continue the relationship at all. A partner with serious trust issues takes time to change, but remember that not all relationships are built the same way. The key is to find what works for the two of you, and if you’re continually struggling to get over the insecurities, perhaps you’re just not in the right one.
The heart of your relationship must be built on trust for it to last.