ESTJ Relationships: Occupying the Overseer

estj relationshipsThe Myers-Briggs Type Indicator examines a variety of personality traits (including extraversion versus introversion, sensing versus intuition, thinking versus feeling, and judging versus perceiving) to determine which of sixteen personality categories an individual fits into more accurately. The ESTJ personality type is one of these categories that revolves around extraversion, sensing, thinking, and judgment. In the sections to follow, we will discuss the personality, advantages, and disadvantages of dating an ESTJ type.

Before continuing onto the sections below, check out this awesome course on the foundation of happiness and success.

ESTJ Personality

ESTJ personality types value belongingness and maintaining order and stability in every aspect of their lives. These types tend to be very conservative, valuing tradition over novelty and prefer to do things the way they’ve always been done instead of discovering new and unique solutions. They respect other people and always stick to the promises they make. The extraverted side of the ESTJ influences the individual to constantly seek out the comfort of friends and acquaintances, particularly in the form of attending events sponsored by an organization that the ESTJ is a part of. Additionally, becoming a part of the community is of vast importance to these types.

Strong work ethic is also highly valued in the world of the ESTJ. There are few things they detest more than people who lie and deceive others, trying their best to avoid these dishonest individuals at all cost. The ESTJ his or herself is extremely honest in all contexts and not afraid to stand up for his or her beliefs and values. Their strong-willed nature causes anger to often arise when encountering a lazy or unproductive subordinate. These types are typically found in managerial positions and, depending on the kind of worker you are, may be either the best or worst boss you’ve ever had. ESTJs have a clear image of right and wrong, as well as the way in which things ought to be done, and express no qualms in making this view clear to those around them.

To learn more about the interaction between personality and social relationships, take a look at this course on the secrets of personality.

Perks of Dating an ESTJ Type

Seeking out a significant other who falls into the category of ESTJ can be quite fulfilling, due to beneficial personality traits, such as:

  • Dedication. When an ESTJ type makes a commitment to an idea, person, or situation, they are highly unlikely to disregard that commitment. In fact, often times ESTJs put their obligations before anything else in their lives. In a relationship, this means that the significant other will never be taken for granted by the ESTJ type.
  • Preference for the Creation and Maintaining of Order. Chaos is very rarely present in the lives of ESTJ individuals, who have a strong preference for social order and control. In a relationship, this means that the ESTJ is unlikely to stir up drama or act in ways that are unpredictable and anger inducing.
  • Organization Skills. ESTJ types make wonderful team leaders due to their incredible ability to organize and assign tasks to a variety of people, ensuring that all parts of a project are completed. As a significant other, the ESTJ will make clear to their partner what is expected of them and complete their own part as well.
  • Reliability. ESTJ types are very dependable people who take their commitments very seriously. As a significant other, the ESTJ will make sure they show up where they are expected when they are expected. Dates and appointments will be of high priority of these types.
  • Strong Will. While this may also function as a con for these types, possessing a strong will means that ESTJ types will stick to their values and beliefs no matter how unpopular or looked-down upon the may be. In a relationship, ESTJs will use their strong will to defend the significant other at all costs.
  • Honesty. As mentioned in the section on personality, ESTJ types prefer to be looked upon as someone who can be trusted and scowl upon those who are deemed deceitful and dishonest.

For more information about the impact playing at your strengths and disregarding your weaknesses can have on maintaining healthy relationships, check out this course on the psychology of personality.

Inconveniences That Come With Dating an ESTJ Type

While having an ESTJ significant other can be enjoyable, there are several drawbacks that come with the relationship as well, due to negative personality traits including:

  • Stubbornness. Because ESTJs are so strong willed and outspoken, they often exhibit quite a bit of stubbornness in response to people who possess opinions that run contrary to their own.
  • Judgmental. Going along with stubbornness, the hardheaded ESTJ has a tough time accepting the beliefs of others as having as much value and substance as their own. They often scoff upon those who believe in things they deem to be ridiculous and attach that belief to their opinion of that individual.
  • Difficulties Expressing Emotion. The ESTJ focus on rationality often causes these types to react in ways that could be deemed insensitive and condescending. They find it difficult to empathize with their more emotional peers.
  • Difficulty Relaxing. Because the ESTJ is always on the go, they often struggle with finding down time to simply reflect and calm their mind.
  • Highly Valued Social Status. ESTJ types are almost always focused on the image they project to their friends, colleagues, and acquaintances.
  • Uncomfortable with Unconventional Solutions. ESTJs are often so focused on tried and true solutions that they disregard and refuse to acknowledge novel resolutions, even if they may simplify the process.

If you are currently dating someone who falls into the ESTJ personality type and find the two of you always butting heads, take a look at this course on living with differing personality styles. Also, if you would like to learn more about the most appropriate partner for ESTJ types, check out this article on ISFP relationships.