ENFJ Relationships: Learn the Strengths and Weaknesses

enfj relationshipsThere are those who call learning how to effectively communicate a lost cause, especially in an age where long conversations about catching up can be replaced with a few simple text messages. Learning the nuances of verbal communication in the digital age is actually anything but trivial, as you can learn in this blog post; in fact there is a lot to gain from learning the best ways to communicate between different personality types.

ENFJ stands for Extraversion, Intuition, Feeling, and Judgment, and is one of the sixteen personality types. ENFJ personality types typically show a lot of enthusiasm in their relationships and are highly invested in their personal relationships, preferring to define themselves by the authenticity and closeness of those relationships. ENFJs have great people skills; friends often comment on how warm and caring they seem. They tend to bring out the good in others and support them through everything.

In return, they tend to want affirmation, but usually cannot ask for it. ENFJ personality types are no pushovers, and will step up to the plate whenever necessary, but will return to their normal selves afterward. Communicating with an ENFJ isn’t hard as they’re great listeners, but there are a few communication methods you can use to gain an edge when communicating to those around you who may have a different personality type.

ENFJ Strengths

ENFJs have many great strengths, including:

  • Excellent verbal skills
  • Perceptiveness to others
  • Help inspire and motivate others
  • Affectionate and fun to be around
  • Great sense of humor
  • Energetic and optimistic
  • Good with money
  • Able to move on with failed relationships

Thanks to their upbeat attitude and affinity for building interpersonal relationships, ENFJs can ultimately be a wonderful spouse or friend. They do not usually have problems when a relationship fails, but they do tend to blame themselves. The ENFJ also seeks lifelong relationships, as they are typically very loyal and dedicated.

ENFJ Weaknesses

Though they do exhibit many strengths, ENFJs also have some weaknesses, which can include:

  • Being overprotective
  • Smothering nature
  • Controlling or manipulative
  • Have trouble assessing their needs
  • Critical of others who have differing opinions
  • Dislike conflict
  • Tend to blame themselves when there are problems
  • Can’t give themselves credit
  • Unbending when it comes to their value system

No one is perfect, and the ENFJ will be the first to give you that very same advice when you fall victim to one of your own personality flaws. If an ENFJ is acting out, sometimes all you need to do to make them feel better is remind them of something they already know.

ENFJs in the Relationship

ENFJs make great companions, not only because they are empathetic but because they are warm and affectionate. They will stop at nothing to make sure their loved ones are happy, but also require attention in return. An ENFJ will try to foster a dedicated relationship which means they will end up putting a lot of effort into building a strong bond and feel hurt if their partner doesn’t reciprocate. You can learn to communicate better with your partner in a day with this quick and easy communication skills training session on Udemy.

Certain problems can arise in you are in a relationship with an ENFJ. They are prone to smothering and being over protective of their partners. They may tirelessly ask you how you are doing or how your day was, but know that it is generally because ENFJs are especially empathetic and can pick up on the minute differences in their partners personalities.

They may ask multiple times a day and even call just to ask. This behavior is annoying for many, so it is important to set ground rules. For example, explain to your ENFJ partner that if there is a problem, you will tell them specifically, so they do not have to ask. Typically, ENFJs feel guilt when a relationship fails. This usually does not cause a lot of problems, because they are still able to move on with ease and not look back.


Intimacy is a way for the ENFJ person to express their love for their partner. They are interested in satisfying their partner, but they want to be satisfied themselves. Because of this, they are usually very skilled intimately as they are constantly trying and learning new things.

However, they do tend to fall into intimacy routines because they enjoy the feeling of having everything scheduled and set. This can take some of the fun out of being intimate, but it may also help the intimate aspect of the relationship, depending on how the other partner reacts.

Conflict and Fighting

Because ENFJs do not like conflict, they will typically try to avoid it. ENFJs are quick to compromise and don’t mind taking what some would consider the “short end of the stick” in order to avoid conflict. However, this behavior doesn’t always work for both partners and can cause more problems later in the relationship. It is important to explain to ENFJs that fights will happen and that they should be dealt with as soon as possible so that everyone can receive closure on the matter.

Typically, an ENFJ person partners with an ISFP or an INFP because their extravert feelings are matched best with introverted emotions.

Do ENFJs Make Good Parents?

Overall ENFJs make good parents because they take the role of parent so seriously. They usually become good role models to their children and are able to pass on good values and goals. They believe it is their responsibility to ensure their children are well behaved. However, the ENFJ parent tends to be stricter and has extremely high expectations for their children. This can become a problem when the parent overworks their kids, but all in all, the parent is affectionate and warm.

Another potential problem is that children may start to feel smothered by their parent as the ENFJ parent has the tendency to hover. It is important for the ENFJ parent to let their child go and do things for themselves so when they become teenagers, the “give me my own space” approach isn’t so detrimental.

These attitudes are important for children, and it helps them become healthy and happy adults. Therefore, if you are the spouse of an ENFJ parent, consider helping them let go of their child as early as possible so that things run more smoothly.

Will an ENFJ Person Make a Good Friend?

ENFJs are very social and friendly people who are in tune with other’s feelings, so yes, an ENFJ person does usually make good a friend. They tend to bring out the best in others and are very supportive, which can be a great trait for a friendship. However, they do expect the same in return, so the friend must be willing and able to show them comfort and support in their time of need.

Most ENFJ people are very energetic and know how to have fun. In most cases, the ENFJ person can get along with almost anyone, but they tend to stay away from people who have a carefree attitude. They tend to stick with others who have the same ideas and values because it makes them feel more comfortable.

Those who are considered “thinkers” can clash with the ENFJ person because they do not like objective judgments. You can learn to communicate better with your ENFJ friend through courses like this one, so you can start Speaking Smoothly, Fluently, Clearly, Confidently.

If you’re lucky enough to have an ENFJ that cares about you, then you have made a very good friend for life. They will always be there for you, no matter what. However, it is your responsibility to ensure that you are there for them and praise them when it is deserved.

If you are worried that your ENFJ spouse will not make a good parent, you really have nothing to fear. As long as you pay close attention to how your spouse deals with the children, there will not be a problem. Consider setting up a discipline schedule early, maybe even before you have children so that there will be no confusion once the children are there.

Check out Udemy courses to learn more on how to learn the fine art of communication when it comes to navigating personality differences.