Coping With Miscarriage: My Journey with Loss

Coping With MiscarriageDealing with the loss of a baby, no matter which stage of pregnancy you are in, is never an easy thing to do.  I’m about to share a (long-winded, be warned) personal story with you about how I coped with life after miscarriage. Settle in, as this story has some bruises and heartache, but a happier-than-you-would-think ending.

As most little girls do, I grew up playing with dolls.  I would name them and they were my babies.  As I got older, I didn’t play with the dolls as much, but they were still around.  In my tween years, when I began to realize that boys were people too and not these gross cootie covered things, I started to develop crushes.  My girlfriends and I would sit and around and talk about who we were going to marry and how many kids we would all have.  Some of us (mostly those of us who didn’t have nosy younger siblings) would even doodle our married names and the names of our future kids out in our diaries.

I always planned on having two boys, and two girls, the boys being older of course.  My mom was a Registered Nurse and always very open with my sister and I about birth control and what could happen when you become sexually active.  So, I knew that babies were a possibility each and every time that we had intercourse.  The relationship ended, I dated a few people in between, and what do you know, at the ripe, old age of 21, I became pregnant with my first son.  Baby daddy and I got married, and two years later we welcomed a little girl.  Unfortunately, we became a statistic and like approximately 50% of other marriages in the United States, ours failed.  Admitting that you’ve failed at something is never easy, admitting that you’ve failed at marriage (especially when kids are involved) is nearly impossible.  There did come a point for me that I just had to accept that my Coping With Miscarriagerelationship wasn’t working and that everyone had the right to be happy and we would ultimately be happier apart.  Life’s little secrets may help you find your path to happiness.  Check it out today to help you bounce back from issues that may be holding you down.

Life went on, as it does.  I’ll spare you all a lot of boring details, skip over some years and love found me.  I was lucky enough to find an amazing man who loved me and my two kids and we have a great relationship.  I have learned a lot about relationships and how to make them work.  Learn how to listen to your partner and work through issues together.  Our open your heart course will teach you how to process and solve relationship problems successfully.  As great as life was, this is where my miscarriage journey began.

It wasn’t something that I had given much thought to, honestly.  I had already gotten through two pregnancies successfully and didn’t think that trying to conceive and carrying a third would be any different.  I was lucky up until that point.  I hadn’t exactly planned my first, we planned the second and got pregnant the first month we decided to try, so why would infertility and miscarriage be something that would be on my mind when planning our pregnancy?  My point is that miscarriage can happen to anyone.  It can happen to you if you have previously had easy and successful pregnancies, whether you are dealing with infertility, or whether this baby just wasn’t meant to be.  Miscarriage, or spontaneous abortion, is when the fetus or embryo is pushed outside of the uterus before it can survive outside of the womb.  One in five known pregnancies ends in a miscarriage.  Women may actually have a miscarriage without ever knowing that they were pregnant in the first place if the loss occurs soon after conception.  Experts actually believe that every woman will miscarry sometime during their reproductive years.  The loss could occur shortly after the egg is fertilized and close to the woman’s typical menstrual cycle, it could then pass undetected as simply an early period.  Any spontaneous loss of pregnancy during the first 20 weeks of pregnancy is considered a miscarriage.  If you have suffered the loss of a pregnancy, please check out After Miscarriage.  It will help to guide you through the grieving process and help you to accept that it wasn’t your fault.

I began to plan out our pregnancy, tracking my menstrual cycle, taking my temperature with a basal thermometer to help me to identify when I was ovulating, taking prenatal pills.  I basically thought I was doing it all right, and you know what I was.  I couldn’t have done anything differently.  Over a year later, we were pregnant and we were ecstatic.  What we didn’t know at the time, but would come to realize a few, short weeks later is that our embryo had implanted in my tube and not in my uterus.  The doctor told us that there was no way that our baby would develop and we would probably naturally miscarry and shortly after, we did.  It was an empty feeling, and something that is hard to put into words.  As a wife, I wanted nothing more than to be able to give my spouse a baby of his own.  As a woman, I wanted to be able to be pregnant, and as a mom I mourned for my little baby.  The baby that I would never know.  Feelings swirled inside of me, I was angry, depressed, confused and feeling insecure.  I kept wondering if it was something that I did wrong and I wondered that for a long time.  I still feel a sense of loss for the baby that I will never meet and never got to feel grow inside of me and I don’t think that those feelings will ever necessarily go away.

I took it upon myself to research miscarriage. I wanted to find out if there was anything that I could do to reduce my risk of it occurring to us again.  I learned 50-75% of miscarriages that occur within the first trimester of pregnancy occur because the fetus or embryo had a defect.  Miscarriages that occur later in the pregnancy are usually due to a maternal condition.  An incompetent uterus or cervix, or maybe problems with the placenta.  Whatever the cause, if you have suffered a loss during the second or third trimester of pregnancy you should speak with your health care provider to come up with a plan to try and prevent it from happening again.  Educating myself on some of the causes of miscarriage did not make the pain go away, but they did help me to understand that there was nothing that I could have done differently.  Here are some other ways that I was able to heal myself and overcome my miscarriage.

Talk about It

Talk about it, miscarriage often has this negative stigma that’s associated with it.  It’s happened, and it wasn’t your fault.  Talk to your girlfriend about it, odds are a few of your girlfriends may have experienced the same thing and may be able to offer you more comfort than you imagined.  If you feel as though you don’t have anyone to talk to, talk to your physician, or find a grief counselor in your area.

Will I be Able to Conceive Again

Yes, there is good news for you.  Suffering a miscarriage, or even a few miscarriages which unfortunately may be a reality for some women.  Just because you’ve had a miscarriage doesn’t mean that you won’t be able to conceive again.  Talk to your doctor and see if you can come up with a plan to help put your mind at ease.

Will I Miscarry Again

This fear and anxiety is perfectly normal.  I will say that there was a happy ending to our story.  We were able to conceive again and successfully carry a happy and healthy baby boy to term.  I did the same things I did with my successful pregnancy as I did with the one that we lost.  I ate healthy, took my prenatal pills, but, the one thing that I did change was that I was able to relax.  I would sit down and mediate each day and visualize a happy and healthy baby.  I pictured my baby inhaling the oxygen that I was taking in with each breath.  Meditation helped me heal in a way and pass on my inner peace to the little person that I was growing.  Learn how to decrease anxiety, through meditation and breathe work.  Meditation for Self-Healing will show you how.

Everyone experiences loss and everyone deals with their loss differently.  Allow yourself to grieve and accept your loss.  Only then will you find peace and be able to grow from your experience.