Dealing with infidelity is a highly complex issue, as you have to come to terms with a break in trust, and the possibility that you might lose your spouse. The two are not necessarily mutually exclusive however, as people make mistakes, and decisions that may have happened on the spur of the moment do not really reflect their true feelings. Check out this course that will address stress management so that you can better face your trials. Moving past infidelity is never going to be easy, but there are ways to make the process a little easier.
Take a Step Back
The first thing you need to do, and it may seem impossible, is to take a step back, and consider how you want to move forward. Whatever you do, do not make any life changing decisions while your emotions are clouding your judgment. However difficult the situation may seem at this time, you need to look at the whole situation. Look at your relationship with your spouse, as an outsider, and consider what could have led to this happening. In many cases there are causes from both sides. Identifying what led to this can be the first step in moving past it.
Accept Your Emotions
No matter what the cause, you are going to feel a rainbow of emotions, from betrayal, rage, and fury to sadness, depression, and hopelessness. You have to let these emotions flow through your body, as repressing them, will create a ticking time bomb for a later time. Until you have let these emotions go, you will not be able to consider clearly, which way things should go on from here. It is perfectly acceptable to have all these emotions, and releasing them is healthy.
Do Not Let Yourself Go
No matter how desperate the situation seems, your first priority is to look after your own health. Having a binge on chocolate, or a date with a bottle of whisky is fine, but not on a regular basis. Just because someone betrayed you, does not mean you have to betray yourself. You are entitled to let go a little bit, as you are in mourning. You still need to maintain yourself in order to move past this. Thankfully, there are meditations for anxiety to help you to relax a bit more and depend less on food or drink binging.
Look at This as an Opportunity
At this time you are filled with various emotions, but one of the most overriding is, that you were somehow inadequate. Use that feeling to improve yourself. Start exercising more and eating healthier foods. By eating better, and following an exercise regime, your body will reward you with more energy, and clearer thoughts. There are many types of exercise, such as Yoga, than can help you to relax, and think over the situation more carefully. Furthermore, you want to contain your anxiety levels as best you can. At the end of the day, looking after yourself is always a positive thing. Exercise will also help you to release some of the pent up aggression you may be feeling.
Just because you feel betrayed, does not mean you cannot treat yourself to something nice. Take a break, and check in to a nice hotel for a weekend. It will take you away from the home environment, and give you a change of scene. It is an excellent chance to reflect on the situation without having constant reminders of what has happened. If possible, find somewhere away from your neighborhood, so that you have something new to explore, to take your mind off your problems. Having a distraction can help you to refocus, and consider all of your options.
Think About What You Want
At some point you will need to confront how you feel about your partner, and what life would be like without them. Can you trust them? Is it possible to move past this? Deep down, you will know the answers to these questions. You need to have a serious conversation with your spouse, as to whether the affair is really over, and it will not happen again. If that is the case, and you truly believe them, then you need to start to put the whole episode behind you. Bringing up this issue again will only create a barrier between the two of you. You have to think of ways to take your mind off of things for a while.
Get Their Side
You have to talk about what happened with your partner. This does not mean trying to discover every details of what happened, but more why. During this very difficult conversation you have to focus on finding the cause, rather than assigning blame. As soon as the blame game starts, the conversation will shut down. Try to talk about your own feelings on finding out, rather than saying how angry you are. See what you both can agree on to fix the situation. This kind of positive, constructive analysis may be painful, but if you are looking to rebuild your relationship, it is essential. You need to understand how they were feeling and what led to this occurring. To help improve your mood, check out this course on self healing.
Consider Some Time Apart
This does not mean weeks, but some time apart will allow many of the emotions to dissipate. You both need to calm down, and take some time to process what has happened. By taking some time for yourself, you will be able to appreciate, what you had before. There is going to be a long road ahead of you, to get past this, so you need to get a clear perspective. A short period of separation, will allow both of you, to deal with your emotions more rationally.
Decide How to Move Forward
This is not a decision that you can make on your own, you need to make a consensus with your spouse. If both you and your partner agree that you want to salvage your marriage, then you need to agree on mutual goals. There are usually more reasons for saving a marriage, than dissolving it, such as children, finance, and mutual love. You both need to find what was positive and concentrate on that. It could be that you both shared a mutual dream that has not yet been achieved. See if you can find a way to make that happen.
Consider Professional Advice
Agreeing to use a marriage counselor is not a sign of failure, but more an admission that having a person to mediate, will help you both to approach the others point of view. Discussing the situation with someone who is not directly involved in the circumstances will help you both to get a clearer understanding of what happened. They will also be able to give a more objective opinion on whether you will both be able to move past this.
There is no easy way to deal with this situation, as it deals with the most basic of human emotions, love, and trust. How you treat this will be uniquely personal to you, the most important thing is that you find a way to deal with the situation, in a way that allows you to move forward, without holding any resentment. If you cannot move past the betrayal, then that will ultimately hurt you, and you need to let go. Sometimes, you just need to find a way to be okay with being by yourself. If you need some tips, you should read this helpful article on how to to be happy alone.