Billions of dollars in books and advice are sold on the secrets of dating. The secrets of dating are really about understanding human behavior – the gestures, facial expressions and body language signs of attraction. The secrets of body language are no longer a secret. As this tale of two social interactions shows, anyone can learn the body language of social interactions.
James approaches Eva, smiles, leans forward slightly and asks, “May I get you something to drink.” Eva responds positively and James returns with the drink. Retaining a polite distance, James then asks, “Would you like to play the memory game with me?” Eva responds positively, and they enjoy an hour of game playing together.
Jake puts his hand on the back of Bridgette’s chair and says, “Hi, I am Jake. Can I buy you a drink?” Bridgette winces, recoils and calls her friend over to rescue her. A handsome and kind-hearted doctor, Jake slithers back to his seat. Jake’s first and fatal mistake was not respecting the psychological distance between him and Bridgette.
James, on the other hand, understands social body language and how it affects his social interlocutor. In fact, it is programmed into him. James is a social robot. Eva is a resident at a home for the elderly.
After noting that social relationships are poor between robots and humans, robotic engineers realized that the problem was body language and other social cues, including the intonation of the voice. Facial gestures are important forms of expression but not enough. Robots that only smile and frown are duds at social interaction. Robot engineers are turning robots into social animals.
Jake on the other hand, like many of us, does not understand social body language. Social body language has strong cultural roots. If the people around us respond positively to us, then we will see no need to change our body language. For many of us, body language does not become an issue until adolescence when we begin to mate. As we wander farther from our families and communities, we notice that not all people respond positively to us.
In a global community, understanding body language and gestures is becoming more important to the quality of social interactions. Unfortunately, second language learning does not place a strong emphasis on teaching gestures. If you are at a university social event or a business conference, how you display attraction through body language is critical to the success of your social communications. With dozens of cultures potentially represented at one event, how do you show culturally sensitive body language signs of attraction? What may work with one person, in an extreme case, may result in a drink being thrown in your face by another.
Female Body Language Signs of Attraction
Masterful social skills for men are the key to a more meaningful dating experience. Many dating guides will tell you how to pick up more girls and receive fewer rejections. But if you want to pick up the right girl for you, then you want to be able to authentically read and understand your courting partner’s behavior.
Body Touching, Posturing
Females touch parts of their body when they are attracted to someone, typically in erogenous zones. Erogenous zones are areas of the body that are more sensitive to touch and can lead to sexual arousal. When reading body language, it is important to distinguish between intentional and non-intentional touching of the body. The lips are one of the most seductive zones of the body. When a woman strokes her lips with her index finger, it is often an intentionally made indication of strong interest. Stroking of the collar bone or below the neck may also be consciously overt.
Like a puppy who becomes excited around people she likes, women often become more fidgety around those they like. Her body movements will become more animated. She may start playing with jewellery – twirling a pendant around her neck or rubbing an earring, or ear. She may unconsciously rub the top of her leg or thigh. Hip movement is common, such as leaning more on one hip. Her chest may be pushed forward. A little bounce in her step may be a sign of love.
Could you lose a date to a robot that understands eye glances and plays fun memory games? Social robots are learning how to read eye glances. And so can you. Direct and prolonged eye contact is a strong signal of interest. A genuine smile is a winning touch. A shy woman may turn her body in the other direction while sending flirty glances your way. Eye contact can be tricky because we often look away due to shyness or lack of confidence. When we really like someone, our desire to look at that person may help us to hold our stare. In these instances, learning how to read micro expressions can be a very useful tool.
Micro facial expressions last a few seconds. You can glean a wealth of information from these fleeting gestures. Paul Ekman, a leading expert in micro expressions has developed ways to understand micro expressions. Tools that may help you in the dating world include how to a catch a lair. Is he really into you? Or does he charm a different girl every night? Is he shy and hiding his emotions? A micro expression analysis may reveal he is madly in love. Studying micro expressions training and body language for lie detection can help you understand the true emotions and intent of your love interest. Take this short quiz to discover your ability to read micro expressions.
Closeness is a positive sign of interest by a woman. When sitting at a table, a woman will often use an object on the table as a prop to mediate moving closer. When she starts moving her wine glass toward the middle of the table, bending forward toward you to hold it, she is interested. Leaning forward is a positive sign of attraction.
Male Body Language Signs of Attraction
Body Touching, Posturing
Like women, men touch erogenous zones when they are attracted to someone. Men often stroke their chest or stomach area. Men are like peacocks when they are in suitor mode. The chest is often puffed up and the posture tall. If he is shy, he may turn his head but the front of his body will be facing you. A real poser, the hand may stroke the side of the hair or puff up the top. Men love to touch their lips. Licking the lips in a slow, methodical manner is a favorite seduction tool.
Men are more aggressive about entering a suitor’s physical space, and touching. They, too, will move the wine glass across the table to get closer to a date, but they are more apt to move the wine glass to the side, opening up the space between you. Common gestures are touching arms and shoulders. Rubbing the back is a very intimate gesture. These movements on a romantic interest should be slowly negotiated. Remember what happened to Jake when he invaded the space of Bridgitte, before even making an introduction.
When a man is interested in you, he will stare into your eyes. But men also stare into the eyes of those they are not interested in. How do you know if he is the real thing? Become a human lie detector. You will learn to use all of the behavioral cues we have mentioned in this article – body language, facial expressions, and eye gestures, as well as the intonation of his voice and your intuition – to find your real prince charming. Men love to wink and raise the eyebrows to show interest. But these signs of flirtation are also regularly used in a casual, non-serious manner. Consider them an introduction, not a commitment.
Space and Emotional Comfort
Now we have a better understanding of how Jake could lose a date to a robot. His mistake was to fail to respect the psychological distance between him and Bridgette. How physically close someone is to you affects your level of comfort with body language. When people talk about body language, they also need to consider physical space.
A better strategy would be for Jake to say, “pardon me,” and reach over and grab a few peanuts sitting in front of Bridgette, and then quickly withdraw to his position at least a foot away. Then, Jake should engage for a few seconds outside of Bridgette’s social space so she does not feel targeted. Look at the TV, or say a few words to the bartender. Now that Bridgette has had a chance to size up Jake, Jake can turn and make a non-intrusive remark. ‘Great game. I hope the Knicks win!” Bridgette has the choice to respond and invite Jake into her social space, or not. Had Jake said, “Do you like to follow basketball?” he would be imposing himself on her social space. She does not even know his name and she has to answer a personal question. Remember, most people find it difficult to talk about themselves. Giver Bridgette a light, non-personal entry to a conversation.
Managing social space is important, and has a significant impact on the quality of our social relationships. As your heart flutters and you become more animated, above all, be conscious of your love interest’s social space. The average person’s space is about 18 inches. Our heart beat quickens and cheeks flush when we are attracted to someone. In this flushed state, we sometimes act socially awkward. If your love interest understands social language, she will be delighted to see your red cheeks. Play it cool, Romeo, and move in slowly.
Body Language and Fulfilling Relationships
Body language reading does not stop once you have found your princess or prince charming. Once you have learned to read body language and micro facial expressions, you can use these tools in your work, family and leisure life. It is a lifelong people reader and lie detector tool. Understanding body language can help you develop and maintain a healthy relationship. Learning how to use the Secret Love of Language- Body Language for Relationships will help you create a more mutually understanding and supportive relationship. This course is not only about understanding what emotions are hiding behind your partner’s body language. It also shows you how to use nonverbal communication to show compassion, openness and authenticity. Physical touch is one of the five languages of love, and the path to Creating a Mind-Blowing Relationship.